31st October - Samhain

This is my last October Post in my blog!
I am trying to type this all before midnight but i have so much to say!

First of all.... Happy Samhain/Halloween.
I hope everyone has had a lovely day and night whatever way you celebrated it.
Tomorrow i will be moving into my flat properly.
Ill be taking all my belongings over and staying over all night, this is it, i have spent October trying to sort my life back out and i think I've done rather well!

Though i still hurt a little, my heart will surely heal soon anyways and its best not to think about that.
Yesterday we had our Album Launch and gig.
We rocked the venue! Absolutely loved every moment of it.
I was there early morning with Emma the curator and Claire, as my job as assistant curator is to help out, i was being very motivated and enthusiastic, i helped place the art pieces up along the corridor walls, had a latte in the cafe also.
I was running around like a headless chicken just slightly also but it was fun.
Sound check time came along, which was really fun also, checked all the light and all the different colours.

Also we have a physical form band album now too!

Very happy with the end results, our eight songs, the response we had, the people that came, how good the songs are, just a dream come true!
Search us on facebook!
We will be having a tour soon and we will also put our music up to listen to eventually also.
So much to do!

With a film project on the way in November plus im also going to do National Novel Writing Month Competition which i've mentioned before and then in December we tour the band again and also we have a exhibition at the discovery museum called a Natural Anthem!

I'm feeling a bit sensitive and emotional, coming to realize this month has been a very stressful and difficult one, my heart was ripped into pieces out of no where and it hurt like hell, and i cried, but now, i have picked myself up and its only forward and hopefully UP from here right? Right!
motivation and positivism and just believing you can do it, goes a long way.


Hope you all follow my journey into November! It should be much for fun! :D

You don't need the Internet to have fun.

So don't need the internet to have fun. Today proved that. For someone who spends practically every day and sometimes almost hour of the day on the internet, on my laptop, today was a nice change.
So currently i do not own a mobile. I did have a Samsung s3 but it broke, or to be more precise, it got sudden death syndrome, where it basically went off and wouldn't turn back on again!

So i have had to get used to not owning a phone for a little while now. At first it was difficult but over time i have just got used to it. And so whenever i go out away from my parents house, i am not only phone less, but internet less, because i had unlimited Mobile Data.

So i got carpet layed yesterday and so i thought i must go shopping for home ware items for my flat, to make it in to more of a, well, a home! So me and my friend Ryan went to the local stores,
I bought everything from a fluffy throw, cushions, a storage box, mugs, clothes rack, cutlery, bath mat, new silky bed sheets and more!

Anyways, spent at least £60 all together, got everything to my flat, put all the furniture in the right places (because it was all crammed into the Kitchen for when the carpet men were laying down the carpet) and bam i have myself a nice home!

Made us some sweet tea and we sat down and relaxed.
So from half two in the afternoon to now four, no internet... had fun.

From this point, we find entertainment in looking at an old yearbook i found, an astrology book, cards (even though we didn't get round to playing any card games), listening to music and generally just having a laugh and chatting!

It started getting dark outside, still no need for the internet, and eventually it came to nine o'clock and i had to go back to my mams house. Because though i could of stayed at my flat, in reality, its just not the same without internet and i honestly missed it!

How much internet influences and plays a big part in peoples day to day lives now is unreal. And having a break from it even if it was just for around seven hours, was nice.
To focus on the things around us instead, books, and music and other things that we maybe don't pay attention to as much when we have the internet at our fingertips.

Though i will be probably getting internet in my flat soon, at least i can say, you certainly don't need the internet to have fun and properly have fun with friends! :) 

Almost half one now, im super tired and need to sleep for band practice tomorrow!
Happy happy happy.

thoughts, a little happiness, a little better.

So with our gig in less than a weeks time, the stress is unreal. The nerves have not kicked in yet, yet!
I finally have carpet layed and so i will be moving in to my own flat properly for the first time in months!
Come to the realization that i have more than one gig coming up, i actually have three! Two the week after too!

Also For the fact i am twenty one in December, i have decided i want a little party thingy! A get together or something. I am not sure how that will go about. Still to be decided.

My life is moving forward. And after the album launch we will have to think of more lyrics and songs, so i have wrote a few things down.






In the emptiness, were nothing is felt
The darkness takes over
She wanders the shadows,
Her heart glowing every corner,
not afraid to touch,
to touch your soul.

She wanders the world,
moments fly by,
but she takes her sweet time,
For there is no hurry in life,
Strength grows slowly,
along with her light,
caring for everyone in sight.

For though she smiles,
behind her eyes are a darker sight,
she hides well her secrets,
no one will ever see,
She will never reveal,
How she really feels.

Update and Recapping

Its Wednesday and its the second last week of October.
Obviously this blog was only meant to be based around my journey through this month, i call it my rebuild month. The time i have taken to heal and rebuild my life back up. Do you think i've done a good job? Should i do a September blog?


So a recap of the past few days. Yesterday i finally paid for carpet and that is being fitted on Friday! Yay. Finally move into my flat properly again maybe by the end of the month.

I've been super busy sorting feedback out for the gig which is only next week now! Its so nerve racking as we still need to fit as much band practice as we can in so we have extra practice on Sunday and the Monday!

I know once i've moved in to my flat properly, i will be vlogging and blogging a lot more when i get myself a decent camera. Maybe September will be better.

We are hoping to carry on the band further after the gig next week, and i would love to see it take off, but that's a big dream to make and its only if we are lucky, and if the band decides to stick at it.
We will have to see wont we? Fingers crossed.

This post is just going to be super short as i have a terrible cold and i should really go to sleep. No matter what i'm always rambling on in the early hours of the morning. I just don't realize the time if i'm honest.


Anyways, ill be back at the end of the week! I am so boring. hurhur.
:)

Not a lazy Sunday.

Wow, a post before midnight, not very common. (ACTUALLY ITS NOW AFTER MIDNIGHT... i got distracted!)
I am now starting to get incredibly excited for the end of this month!
It was always a dream when i was younger to be famous and to be a singer, a musician, an author, an actress. Something big and fancy and fun sounding! Of course they are only dreams and in reality very rarely happen. Unless you are lucky right?
Well i know i'm not a lucky person. I have suffered many many illnesses and suffered from depression and anxiety for at least five years. Bullied all my life for how i looked or what i wore. That kind of thing brings someone down. It almost stops their heart in hoping anymore. In wishing and dreaming.

I stopped wishing and dreaming, i felt all i could do was dream. With low self esteem issues, self-loath and problems with confidence, things as big as being a musician or a author was a massive far away dream. So whats the point?

Then my life was given a chance. I found a place that gave me an opportunity. I know i haven't mentioned it properly, or described it and such.
So i have done a few exhibitions, mostly visual and including creating pieces of photography and editing them. Over time music was an introduced project and i found myself wanting to play piano.

BUT now.... now i sing. And its completely different. I have had to come out of my comfort zone and i have now performed and sang in a event associated around World War one. And NOW we have set up a band and we are making music and we have our first gig at the end of the month.

I wrote one song, ended up singing it, and now i sing in almost all the songs we have (including other singers too mind.) We are hoping to tour around the UK with this concept of raising awareness of rights for young people and hopefully maybe go to Brussels where the EU won't be able to ignore us!

Now that's a dream!

Today was not a lazy Sunday,we made the most of our time and went and did extra band practice and it was great! we got through all the songs, we only had a few band members but it didn't stop us, we ended up singing bohemian rhapsody and Tom playing it on piano was amazing, it was great having fun and enthusiastic people around you, helping and supporting you!

With enthusiasm and positivism and the right kind of people around you, you can achieve anything you maybe once dreamed about.
I have just recently came out of a relationship, it was long and heartbreaking and i was torn limb from limb and called names and cheated on and hurt in many ways, but i didn't want to come out of crying and dragging myself around, i knew i had to focus on making my future brighter. Because to be honest i've just came out of a very dark tunnel, and i'm not going back!


And thats how you have to think to get anywhere in life. You make your own happiness!

Late night RAMBLING.

Okay so i most definitely RAMBLE ON! 

What made me think i mumble i have no idea! Clearly the wrong choice of wording! Anyways, So this is my late night ramble on and forget the times i have ever said mumble okay? OKAY!

Phew. 

So hello, its two am, and i'm not tired, but i am? 

Its one of those typical nights where my mind is active and my body is tired. 

So today i have been at band practice at the studio again. Things are truly getting exciting for the gig at the end of the month. So i have been in the mood to write songs. Which currently is difficult because i have writers block. 

Our current album which consists of, i think 12 songs, all relates to Young adults rights, so that is like 16-25 years aprox. 

About how a child is suddenly an adult being thrown into the deep end and expected to understand what they want out of life. 

How many people when they are older think they knew what they actually wanted to do with their lives when they are more mid to late 20's more than at 18. They say wisdom comes with age, yet people are told to grow up too young. Growing up is allowed to be a slow process. Why is it you HAVE to go to college or university so young in life. Being made to make decisions they aren't 100% sure on. Most people later in life don't have the same views on jobs and life choices than when they were younger yet you are told to make those decision when your 16, that will define the rest of your life. Why is that? 

And why is it believed a person as young as 16 is mentally mature enough to make decisions about jobs. Why is it after the age of 23 maybe, it costs a heap load to go to university and it is no longer free, when 23 and older is probably the best time to go, and make those big decisions. 

And 18 you can legally vote, but do you understand it? Is it education that matters or experience? Because these days no matter what you have learned at school, you can't even get a job without experience. Our generation is not stupid, but they are told to jump into the deep end way too early in life. You have so many years ahead of you to make big decisions. Is maturity the reason? Are we forcing maturity onto our youth? Is it all in our heads? Are you only really as mature as your told to be? 

Why is it, the most sensitive and brilliant time of your lives, as teenagers, were your independent thought is becoming more profound is almost trapped and caged in, and your being told how to think, what decisions to make, you cant be free, you cant grow at your own pace. You are an outcast if you don't make the decisions your told to make. You didn't go to college after year 11? That's wrong. You didn't go to university? That's wrong! But why? Why is it that important? You don't have to feel like you must do this and must do that. It doesn't make you any less important or any less intelligent if you don't go to college. If anything it is probably a wise thing to do. To wait for your independent thought to be more mature maybe? 

Is it all in your head? Are you no longer a child? What even is maturity and how can someone define it. Do you have to make these decisions so young? Why is it your suddenly an adult so quick, Why be rushed?


Dont ask what happened to my font! xD just accept it! Thanks! 

15th and 16th

So its Friday morning! It is the early hours and if you haven't read my other posts, i usually write something at this time of night. I call this my late night mumbling,

Thought i would back track on what I've been up to, apart from being absorbed into World Of Warcraft, which by the way, if you would like to add me as a friend, let me know!

I went to see one of my best friends on Wednesday, we went to a park near her allotment and we took some autumn themed photographs. My photos were truly terrible, and my excuse was because i haven't been near a camera in a long time!
(Those photos will be put up soon, WATCH THIS SPACE)

I've been watching  a few videos here and there on YouTube also. Recently my favorite has been Rob Dyke! Anyone heard of him? If not, GO NOW and watch his videos. This man has me in stitches! He basically has two types of videos, 'why would you put that on the internet?' which basically he puts up pictures and screen shots of stupid things people have put up on the internet like statuses. Honestly makes you wonder a lot about humanity!

Then he also does SERIOUSLY STRANGE Wednesdays, which are equally as great! For i have a love for creepy or scary things, his videos about Evil women, unexplained disappearances and more really grabbed my attention! I have seriously enjoyed watching Rob Dyke, and will most probably carry on doing so too, i have so many videos by him i am yet to watch! Woo!

Been doing rehearsals for our band also. I have been given the role as an assistant curator which is exciting but means i have to concentrate and focus and not mess around. I'm fine with that.

Also NEED to get my writers block, unblocked? As i need to prep up in time for National Novel Writers Month in the month of November. It is basically a competition where you write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November and you can win and get five copies of your finished novel on hard back! Surely a writers dream right?

Other than that, i have not slept very well, as you may now know i am a bit of a night owl, but then i have had to get up early, so i am well and truly knackered (tired out)!

Twenty to two in the morning, Typical eh?! Well goodnight and goodbye for now!

And thanks for reading another Late night Mumble! If you haven't actually got bored half way through and given up reading the rest!