31st October - Samhain

This is my last October Post in my blog!
I am trying to type this all before midnight but i have so much to say!

First of all.... Happy Samhain/Halloween.
I hope everyone has had a lovely day and night whatever way you celebrated it.
Tomorrow i will be moving into my flat properly.
Ill be taking all my belongings over and staying over all night, this is it, i have spent October trying to sort my life back out and i think I've done rather well!

Though i still hurt a little, my heart will surely heal soon anyways and its best not to think about that.
Yesterday we had our Album Launch and gig.
We rocked the venue! Absolutely loved every moment of it.
I was there early morning with Emma the curator and Claire, as my job as assistant curator is to help out, i was being very motivated and enthusiastic, i helped place the art pieces up along the corridor walls, had a latte in the cafe also.
I was running around like a headless chicken just slightly also but it was fun.
Sound check time came along, which was really fun also, checked all the light and all the different colours.

Also we have a physical form band album now too!

Very happy with the end results, our eight songs, the response we had, the people that came, how good the songs are, just a dream come true!
Search us on facebook!
We will be having a tour soon and we will also put our music up to listen to eventually also.
So much to do!

With a film project on the way in November plus im also going to do National Novel Writing Month Competition which i've mentioned before and then in December we tour the band again and also we have a exhibition at the discovery museum called a Natural Anthem!

I'm feeling a bit sensitive and emotional, coming to realize this month has been a very stressful and difficult one, my heart was ripped into pieces out of no where and it hurt like hell, and i cried, but now, i have picked myself up and its only forward and hopefully UP from here right? Right!
motivation and positivism and just believing you can do it, goes a long way.


Hope you all follow my journey into November! It should be much for fun! :D

You don't need the Internet to have fun.

So don't need the internet to have fun. Today proved that. For someone who spends practically every day and sometimes almost hour of the day on the internet, on my laptop, today was a nice change.
So currently i do not own a mobile. I did have a Samsung s3 but it broke, or to be more precise, it got sudden death syndrome, where it basically went off and wouldn't turn back on again!

So i have had to get used to not owning a phone for a little while now. At first it was difficult but over time i have just got used to it. And so whenever i go out away from my parents house, i am not only phone less, but internet less, because i had unlimited Mobile Data.

So i got carpet layed yesterday and so i thought i must go shopping for home ware items for my flat, to make it in to more of a, well, a home! So me and my friend Ryan went to the local stores,
I bought everything from a fluffy throw, cushions, a storage box, mugs, clothes rack, cutlery, bath mat, new silky bed sheets and more!

Anyways, spent at least £60 all together, got everything to my flat, put all the furniture in the right places (because it was all crammed into the Kitchen for when the carpet men were laying down the carpet) and bam i have myself a nice home!

Made us some sweet tea and we sat down and relaxed.
So from half two in the afternoon to now four, no internet... had fun.

From this point, we find entertainment in looking at an old yearbook i found, an astrology book, cards (even though we didn't get round to playing any card games), listening to music and generally just having a laugh and chatting!

It started getting dark outside, still no need for the internet, and eventually it came to nine o'clock and i had to go back to my mams house. Because though i could of stayed at my flat, in reality, its just not the same without internet and i honestly missed it!

How much internet influences and plays a big part in peoples day to day lives now is unreal. And having a break from it even if it was just for around seven hours, was nice.
To focus on the things around us instead, books, and music and other things that we maybe don't pay attention to as much when we have the internet at our fingertips.

Though i will be probably getting internet in my flat soon, at least i can say, you certainly don't need the internet to have fun and properly have fun with friends! :) 

Almost half one now, im super tired and need to sleep for band practice tomorrow!
Happy happy happy.

thoughts, a little happiness, a little better.

So with our gig in less than a weeks time, the stress is unreal. The nerves have not kicked in yet, yet!
I finally have carpet layed and so i will be moving in to my own flat properly for the first time in months!
Come to the realization that i have more than one gig coming up, i actually have three! Two the week after too!

Also For the fact i am twenty one in December, i have decided i want a little party thingy! A get together or something. I am not sure how that will go about. Still to be decided.

My life is moving forward. And after the album launch we will have to think of more lyrics and songs, so i have wrote a few things down.






In the emptiness, were nothing is felt
The darkness takes over
She wanders the shadows,
Her heart glowing every corner,
not afraid to touch,
to touch your soul.

She wanders the world,
moments fly by,
but she takes her sweet time,
For there is no hurry in life,
Strength grows slowly,
along with her light,
caring for everyone in sight.

For though she smiles,
behind her eyes are a darker sight,
she hides well her secrets,
no one will ever see,
She will never reveal,
How she really feels.

Update and Recapping

Its Wednesday and its the second last week of October.
Obviously this blog was only meant to be based around my journey through this month, i call it my rebuild month. The time i have taken to heal and rebuild my life back up. Do you think i've done a good job? Should i do a September blog?


So a recap of the past few days. Yesterday i finally paid for carpet and that is being fitted on Friday! Yay. Finally move into my flat properly again maybe by the end of the month.

I've been super busy sorting feedback out for the gig which is only next week now! Its so nerve racking as we still need to fit as much band practice as we can in so we have extra practice on Sunday and the Monday!

I know once i've moved in to my flat properly, i will be vlogging and blogging a lot more when i get myself a decent camera. Maybe September will be better.

We are hoping to carry on the band further after the gig next week, and i would love to see it take off, but that's a big dream to make and its only if we are lucky, and if the band decides to stick at it.
We will have to see wont we? Fingers crossed.

This post is just going to be super short as i have a terrible cold and i should really go to sleep. No matter what i'm always rambling on in the early hours of the morning. I just don't realize the time if i'm honest.


Anyways, ill be back at the end of the week! I am so boring. hurhur.
:)

Not a lazy Sunday.

Wow, a post before midnight, not very common. (ACTUALLY ITS NOW AFTER MIDNIGHT... i got distracted!)
I am now starting to get incredibly excited for the end of this month!
It was always a dream when i was younger to be famous and to be a singer, a musician, an author, an actress. Something big and fancy and fun sounding! Of course they are only dreams and in reality very rarely happen. Unless you are lucky right?
Well i know i'm not a lucky person. I have suffered many many illnesses and suffered from depression and anxiety for at least five years. Bullied all my life for how i looked or what i wore. That kind of thing brings someone down. It almost stops their heart in hoping anymore. In wishing and dreaming.

I stopped wishing and dreaming, i felt all i could do was dream. With low self esteem issues, self-loath and problems with confidence, things as big as being a musician or a author was a massive far away dream. So whats the point?

Then my life was given a chance. I found a place that gave me an opportunity. I know i haven't mentioned it properly, or described it and such.
So i have done a few exhibitions, mostly visual and including creating pieces of photography and editing them. Over time music was an introduced project and i found myself wanting to play piano.

BUT now.... now i sing. And its completely different. I have had to come out of my comfort zone and i have now performed and sang in a event associated around World War one. And NOW we have set up a band and we are making music and we have our first gig at the end of the month.

I wrote one song, ended up singing it, and now i sing in almost all the songs we have (including other singers too mind.) We are hoping to tour around the UK with this concept of raising awareness of rights for young people and hopefully maybe go to Brussels where the EU won't be able to ignore us!

Now that's a dream!

Today was not a lazy Sunday,we made the most of our time and went and did extra band practice and it was great! we got through all the songs, we only had a few band members but it didn't stop us, we ended up singing bohemian rhapsody and Tom playing it on piano was amazing, it was great having fun and enthusiastic people around you, helping and supporting you!

With enthusiasm and positivism and the right kind of people around you, you can achieve anything you maybe once dreamed about.
I have just recently came out of a relationship, it was long and heartbreaking and i was torn limb from limb and called names and cheated on and hurt in many ways, but i didn't want to come out of crying and dragging myself around, i knew i had to focus on making my future brighter. Because to be honest i've just came out of a very dark tunnel, and i'm not going back!


And thats how you have to think to get anywhere in life. You make your own happiness!

Late night RAMBLING.

Okay so i most definitely RAMBLE ON! 

What made me think i mumble i have no idea! Clearly the wrong choice of wording! Anyways, So this is my late night ramble on and forget the times i have ever said mumble okay? OKAY!

Phew. 

So hello, its two am, and i'm not tired, but i am? 

Its one of those typical nights where my mind is active and my body is tired. 

So today i have been at band practice at the studio again. Things are truly getting exciting for the gig at the end of the month. So i have been in the mood to write songs. Which currently is difficult because i have writers block. 

Our current album which consists of, i think 12 songs, all relates to Young adults rights, so that is like 16-25 years aprox. 

About how a child is suddenly an adult being thrown into the deep end and expected to understand what they want out of life. 

How many people when they are older think they knew what they actually wanted to do with their lives when they are more mid to late 20's more than at 18. They say wisdom comes with age, yet people are told to grow up too young. Growing up is allowed to be a slow process. Why is it you HAVE to go to college or university so young in life. Being made to make decisions they aren't 100% sure on. Most people later in life don't have the same views on jobs and life choices than when they were younger yet you are told to make those decision when your 16, that will define the rest of your life. Why is that? 

And why is it believed a person as young as 16 is mentally mature enough to make decisions about jobs. Why is it after the age of 23 maybe, it costs a heap load to go to university and it is no longer free, when 23 and older is probably the best time to go, and make those big decisions. 

And 18 you can legally vote, but do you understand it? Is it education that matters or experience? Because these days no matter what you have learned at school, you can't even get a job without experience. Our generation is not stupid, but they are told to jump into the deep end way too early in life. You have so many years ahead of you to make big decisions. Is maturity the reason? Are we forcing maturity onto our youth? Is it all in our heads? Are you only really as mature as your told to be? 

Why is it, the most sensitive and brilliant time of your lives, as teenagers, were your independent thought is becoming more profound is almost trapped and caged in, and your being told how to think, what decisions to make, you cant be free, you cant grow at your own pace. You are an outcast if you don't make the decisions your told to make. You didn't go to college after year 11? That's wrong. You didn't go to university? That's wrong! But why? Why is it that important? You don't have to feel like you must do this and must do that. It doesn't make you any less important or any less intelligent if you don't go to college. If anything it is probably a wise thing to do. To wait for your independent thought to be more mature maybe? 

Is it all in your head? Are you no longer a child? What even is maturity and how can someone define it. Do you have to make these decisions so young? Why is it your suddenly an adult so quick, Why be rushed?


Dont ask what happened to my font! xD just accept it! Thanks! 

15th and 16th

So its Friday morning! It is the early hours and if you haven't read my other posts, i usually write something at this time of night. I call this my late night mumbling,

Thought i would back track on what I've been up to, apart from being absorbed into World Of Warcraft, which by the way, if you would like to add me as a friend, let me know!

I went to see one of my best friends on Wednesday, we went to a park near her allotment and we took some autumn themed photographs. My photos were truly terrible, and my excuse was because i haven't been near a camera in a long time!
(Those photos will be put up soon, WATCH THIS SPACE)

I've been watching  a few videos here and there on YouTube also. Recently my favorite has been Rob Dyke! Anyone heard of him? If not, GO NOW and watch his videos. This man has me in stitches! He basically has two types of videos, 'why would you put that on the internet?' which basically he puts up pictures and screen shots of stupid things people have put up on the internet like statuses. Honestly makes you wonder a lot about humanity!

Then he also does SERIOUSLY STRANGE Wednesdays, which are equally as great! For i have a love for creepy or scary things, his videos about Evil women, unexplained disappearances and more really grabbed my attention! I have seriously enjoyed watching Rob Dyke, and will most probably carry on doing so too, i have so many videos by him i am yet to watch! Woo!

Been doing rehearsals for our band also. I have been given the role as an assistant curator which is exciting but means i have to concentrate and focus and not mess around. I'm fine with that.

Also NEED to get my writers block, unblocked? As i need to prep up in time for National Novel Writers Month in the month of November. It is basically a competition where you write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November and you can win and get five copies of your finished novel on hard back! Surely a writers dream right?

Other than that, i have not slept very well, as you may now know i am a bit of a night owl, but then i have had to get up early, so i am well and truly knackered (tired out)!

Twenty to two in the morning, Typical eh?! Well goodnight and goodbye for now!

And thanks for reading another Late night Mumble! If you haven't actually got bored half way through and given up reading the rest!

WoW, Carpets, Friends and the Future!

So what do i type about?
Well recently i have found myself downloading a little game called World of Warcraft! Now i did in fact have a little go of this game, maybe about a year or two ago on my friends account. I enjoyed the experience of creating a Night Elf and choosing how she looked and what her class was and whatever else, but when it came to actual game play, i got bored and gave up. I never bothered with WoW again.

Until recently. I found myself bored, and wanted something new to do. I knew of a few friends that played, including the fact my best friend, STILL played it, SO - i downloaded the starter edition as my best friend recruited me. I made a night elf again which once again i enjoyed. This time i was going to actually try and give the game a chance.

Now with the help of my friend, and the help of x300% XP from the recruit a friend, i am now level 20 after about three days? Okay so i am a little hopeless, and a, as people say, a N00B?
I have created three characters since including a horde character, a Blood Elf.

I have to admit i am enjoying this game, though i'm still getting the hang of it, i understand the concept more now. Accepting Quests and exploring the lands and gaining Xp, is all fun and entertaining and it keeps me occupied which is exactly what i wanted from the start. So i can say World of Warcraft gets a THUMBS UP!

Also TODAY, i went to a carpet store (woo) and found some very cheap carpet deals for my flat because after my break up, i shall be properly moving into my own place and so i need carpet. I dont know why but i love the smell of carpets. I love going to carpet shops and feeling all the carpets for no particular reason, and i probably like a bit like a divvy (silly)!

So My future is looking up, I have games i enjoy, i'm looking forward to going back to the studio and working on rehearsals for the gig at the end of the month. I have loads of friends and they are going to help me re decorate my flat up. I have supportive family and my future is looking positive for the first time in ages.

So break ups may be hard to begin with but they can sometimes be for the better, just like in my case. I have never been happier!

World Mental Health Day.

So yesterday i was so tired when i got home, i could not be bothered to blog.
So i will do it now instead.

Apparently it was world Mental Health day.
Something i feel strongly about as i suffer from depression and an anxiety disorder.
But i have a friend, a best friend, who has anxiety a lot worse than me! We arranged to hang out at the local 'mall' and do a bit of shopping. We haven't hung out properly in ages and it was going to be exciting.

First i had headed off to the studio at eleven to see the guys. We were learning lead sheets, which if anyone is into music or plays an instrument in a band for example, you will know they are pretty important little pieces of paper. After doing this, we had our Leadership meeting, talking about our gig details at the end of the month and such. After that we did our band practice and that is my favorite time of the session as its so much fun!
Anyways - blah blah, session ended at four and i left as soon as to go meet my best friend in the busy city. I hate the city in general as its so full of people, and me and people don't get on very well. Loud ones; ignorant ones, careless ones, selfish ones, clueless ones, the list could go on.
I found my friend and we waited for the bus to the mall and i had one idea on what i was going to buy, a bath mat for my flat.


Five hours later, i bought everything BUT. I bought a couple of tops, incense cones, make up, my friend bought some awesome boots with buckles with skulls on and they were around £50 !

All in all, what i am trying to say, my point is this...

My best friend of eight years, has not been on a bus on her own for two years, and today she did it to meet me in town! that is a great achievement! I used to be scared of buses, so i know how hard it can be when your anxious over things that are maybe necessary for your day to day life.

And just the fact i found out it was World Mental Health day yesterday too, has made yesterday just that little bit more extra special now! :)

Productive day!

Getting woke up with breakfast in bed is the best, it makes up for the fact i was awoken at half seven in the morning! Sipping my tea and trying to force my eyes open, in my mind i wanted to curl back up and sleep again but i knew in my bones today was going to be a good day.

I actually wrote today's events down in my notebook so i wouldn't forget. Its ten past two in the morning here now, and for some reason though i have been awake since half seven this day hasn't felt like it has dragged, in fact i was shocked to look at my clock and see the time was two!

I have to be up early again tomorrow for another exciting day!

So for most of the week, my days have been draggy and long and boring. Today was a day full of busy busy busy.
Leaving for the bus at half nine, i got to the studio at about five past ten in the morning. The bus journeys are always long, going out of the suburb neighborhood, around the moorland and into town and through it. Finally getting off the bus and arriving at the studio, i am greeting and told of the plans of the day, recording.

We have two songs needing recording and i am learning how to use the Pro Tools software. Every time it comes to singing especially in the morning my voice sounds almost croaky and dry. Mornings are not a good time for my voice. After some Voice exercises, we are ready to record. Songs i wont say right now!
We only have a week or so left to get all the recordings done for the album to be done. When i say all the recording, i mean all the instruments in every song, from guitar to bass, even the ocarina is played somewhere! Its a proper hard working band. Not a group of singers, singing over some edited computer styled music.

After a while, i decided to create a 'creative response on photographs taken to represent our album and the meaning and definition if you like, to what we and our music is about.

Our music is based towards rights for Young People. To change how young people are seen, how the law treats young people, make people aware of how young people feel - you get the picture.

I did a silly collage over a picture of a white and yellow brick wall sort of photograph, i did the album name in black and did different colored felt like paper pieces around it like almost coming out, hard to explain, but it reminded me of the sex pistols kind of punk style.

Anyways my idea was like a proper cheesy version!

We have our artistic Director who is also an actress respectively and she had a performance downstairs in the pub stage space, so we all went down to give her support. Her Piece 'Doorbells of Delight' was a view on how our communities are, and how we see and treat each other in our communities, also the element of how older people react to things in their communities including 'Teen Dragons' which was one of the songs played in the piece.
Claire,  Tim who played Accordion and John who played the Cello, played several songs during the whole thing, all incredibly creative and clever. It was a very heart warming play, and Claire even acted as a old lady (wearing a wig and glasses) and did a rap! It was very humorous and brilliantly written!

In the afternoon, heading back to the session we learned how to do Lead Sheets for our songs, Pete told us to place a treble clef next to the lines, i did mine backwards first time (doh!), but once i realized i drew them with no mistakes! Over all was a very laid back and chilled day, and enjoyed the social aspect of it also.

Didn't leave till about half 6, waited twenty minutes for a bus, and by then it was dark.

I have no source of entertainment on the bus journey home, no headphones, no phone, no nothing. Im left with only my mind and thoughts for company. I sat and thought about how tired i was and as my stomach rumbled away i gazed up towards the moon over the moor lands, it was a beautiful sight. Ever so slightly behind the clouds, she was so powerful and bright, so very perfect she is!

Was a lovely end to the day.

Its half two in the morning now, and my eyes are heavy! So sleep for me and an early day again for me tomorrow! Until then - !

Poisoned love.

Love is beautiful. Love makes you feel alive. and love makes you the happiest person in the world. True love makes you crazy, and the best kind of love is when you get it in return.
Everyone craves love of some kind. Whether it is maternal love or emotional love or somewhat a love for a different species of animal like a cat or a dog. Or a love for a show, a cartoon, a love for a toy, something with sentimental value.

But sometimes, love can be poisoning. When love isn't right, its toxic and venomous.
Some times people end up falling into this kind of love and people on the outside cant understand it. They can see the danger, they can see the poison, taking over you. But you cant, and its a difficult kind of love, as its an incredibly somewhat transfixing, mind controlling love. Its strong but that doesn't make it right. Why? Because it is one sided.

Below is a short poem i wrote to describe how the love of poison is, how it feels almost.

You could look into the eyes,

Then see the truth,

But from afar, its hidden quite beautifully.

The Hearts bursting at the seams turning a purple,

beating faster, faster, quicker, quicker,

quite simply on the edge of exploding.

The poison is running through the veins, the mind,

with simple yet effective words of awe.

Worship, respect, love, passion, it doesn't make sense.

being pulled from heaven, down to hell and back,

back and forth, love then hate, hate then love.

You almost feel like nothing, numbed and empty,

so soulless, feeding off the aura of them.

They have eyes of Red, evil perhaps, but you don't see it that way.

Your just a shell, needing them to keep you alive,

Poisoned.

Standing by them regardless,

regardless of the bad, the hurt, the pain, cause without them its nothing, no emotion.

The pain reminds you, that your still alive, but your addicted,

because they only know how to make it go away.

Feeding off them once more, drinking their poison.

strangled, suffocated, loving it.

The Last Chapter!

Today, i went to see my best friend of probably around eight years. We have had our fall outs and our good and bad memories, even lived together once or twice too!

Its been lovely to get out of the house for once as the past couple of days i have not moved from the sofa which is currently my bed in my mothers house. After my break-up almost a week ago now, I've had to pick myself up, dry my tears and heal.

Though healing is never easy, its something that is part of my life, unfortunately, this said person who broke up with me, has broken my heart a many times before and every time i have been silly enough to pick the pieces up, super glue them back together and hand it back over to her.

Each time she throws it back onto the floor, smashing into even more pieces, and each time i try to fix it the less secure it becomes, i am no longer using super glue, more like blue tac!

For the final time my heart was smashed to the ground, it couldn't be fixed.

I had no method of fixing it and giving it back.

I had no intention to give it back.

From that point, i knew i had to fix my heart alone and keep it all to myself.

Five days since the day my heart was broken again, and i am getting over it.

Well and truly showing they will not win.

And so i'm living on the sofa currently and so i may have a weak moments where i think back of memories we had together. But you know why? Because you meant something to me. You did mean something to me. Respectively. Because i had a heart, and though it kept breaking, i relied on you to hold it and that makes me stupid and a push over, and i totally accept that.

And that is the first step to healing from a broken heart in my case, accepting you were silly to think someone loved you when CLEARLY they didn't.

But hey, you are going to meet those kind of people out there. The heartless headcases, the selfish, hot headed ego maniacs. But i hope i will never meet another one. And i will know the signs now because if anything this is experience for me to look for in other people so my heart wont be broken again like you broke it.

If anything you have made me stronger as a single person.

I Promise no more break up posts! This is the end of a book. The last chapter!

Please +ed and Follow if you liked this :)

Banks are poo.

Not going to mention names, but the bank i am with are POO.

Yes, Poo! They keep charging me for unpaid direct debits at random times when i don't have any money, and this time, i payed my bill a few days after the direct debit date as i had no money and they charged me £25 a while later and okay fine, charge me for not paying the direct debit on time, but £25? that is more than my bill itself!

And then i noticed a month later they have charged me £10 for the same direct debit, when i have no money in my bank, because how was i going to know they were going to charge me? Anyways so now i am -£8. YAY. People are so money hungry and unfair.

The minimum wage is too low and yet everything is too expensive, what a world we live in.

rant over... for now!

Another late night.

So 1am. This is becoming a habit!

Today has been far from interesting. For having no plans has led me to do literally nothing except sit in front of my laptop all day and now i have a terrible headache!

Today i did in fact pluck up the courage to create my first ever vlog. It was totally cringe worthy. But if you want to start vlogging, the first vlog is always going to be the hardest step. You are sat there worrying and wondering whether anyone will watch it, like it, care about it?

But yes, i made my first vlog. I only answered a few questions, made a fool of myself and its encouraged me to think of some more... if not better ideas for my next vlog!

Apart from vlogging, i have whined and moaned about not getting a lot of views on my blogs. Sad i know. If anything i know my blogs so far are a tad draining to say the least. They feel nothing short of just mumbling on.

Over time i will add more interesting things, but currently i have nothing interesting going on in my life! Boring! Until later on in the week that is!

I will be doing band practice on Thursday and that is something i can not wait to share!

I have had some ideas regarding National Novel Writing Month which starts in November and im not sure if anyone else will be doing this, or is aware of it, but if you love to write it is an amazing competion that is worth signing up for! You have to write 50,000 words in the month of November and if you can do that and you are picked as the winner you get 5 copies of your novel in hard back!
Now that is a writers dream!

I love to write and over time i do believe i have got better at it. I will be occasionally adding more short stories to my blog. For those bored and have nothing to do, read my stories and let your imagination run wild!

Currently i am just letting my mind run wild which isint the best idea, and i am incredibly tired but i am not even sure if i am going to be able to sleep any time soon. Insomnia is a pain!

Anyways, another end of the day blog of thoughts, even though its technically the next day ;D


Please Follow me and ill Follow BACK!

Inspired by photography!

So over the years i have loved photography. I have always felt i have had a good eye at taking decent photographs. 

When asked to take pictures last year for the theme around Limitations, Imitations and Emulations my mind went straight to traffic signs and lights. 

I have used traffic signs as they are everywhere in your life but you only normally use them if you are a pedestrian or a driver and we can both. 

They represent safety but not everyone follows them, as you have a choice. 

I used inverted monotone effect in my photographs, as your real life is in colour but these explore a less dramatic sense of living. 

50 is meant to be less speedy but the colour surrounding it suggests what happens when you push past the limitations given,

I will be creating more photograph pieces in the future. If you would like to see them please follow me!
Thank you!

So i did a Vlog.

And so, mainly because i was bored, i have done a VLOG!
Please don't laugh at my vlog haha!
I will get better in time, if you have any suggestions, anything i could do for another vlog please let me know!

Please Click here to check it out: My First Vlog - Click Here!

Thank you!

What to Vlog About?

So I guess the first thing to do when vlogging is the most obvious! HAVE A CAMERA. And a decent one too. Vlog means Video Blog after all.

The idea of a vlog is basic, instead of typing down your ideas, thought, day to day life, or whatever else you blog about, instead you visually speak it for people to watch.

Make sure the lighting is correct. Your face is clear and such.

First idea - Video Responses. You watch a video or a another vlog. Sometimes Vlogging your views and opinions is a great way to get people interested. They will want to hear what you have to say. Why? Because your responding/talking about something they are also interested in.

Questions - IF you know a few people, you can get them to ask you questions and you can answer them on your vlog. Then whoever asked you a question will read your vlog, wanting to know what you answered! Then you can encourage their friends and connections to check out your vlog too, thus opening your audience up!

Find a topic, and stick to it. - People who do Fashion channels stick to what they know and do well, just fashion, or make-up or beauty. Because these are all connected in somewhat way, people interested in beauty will most probably be interested in make up too no doubt.

OR you can vlog about places you go to, if you go traveling alot, or go places out of the house a lot, then vlog it. It can be long or short. If your going to landmarks then film it, people love going places without actually stepping foot outside their house!

Last but not least, be active and keep making vlogs, comment on other peoples vlogs too. Don't just focus on yourself. Go looking for people who have made vlogs that interest you, comment on them and make connections!

Good luck Vlogging! I know i will be vlogging very soon myself! Watch this space.

Comfort.

After finally falling asleep at half three in the morning, i awake but it still feels dark yet light.
Its one of those grey days where you are all warm and cosy under your blanket and outside it is quite clearly pouring of rain. You can hear it all around and above, falling onto the building you are in. Its a lovely sound. A somewhat comforting and calming sound. The sound that makes you feel like you just want to stay in bed forever!

My dad opens the front door to leave, and you can hear the difference, you can hear the rain properly, bouncing off the ground, you can feel the cold air that was only before unable to get inside your warm, safe and protected house.

Today i have no plans so far and for it to be a day like this makes me even more lazy! AND very lucky i do not need to go outside in this weather, For it may sound lovely on the inside, but you wont catch me in it!

What a nice way to wake up, even if i have only had around six hours sleep! ^_^

Late night Blogging.

Its half one in the morning and i cant seem to sleep. Not that i have tried mind you!
Another day of nothingness, but another day closer to pay day so i can really turn my life around.

I will be hopefully getting my phone fixed and so i can go back to doing photography again. How i miss having a camera handy, at my fingertips.

Trying to fill my time the best i can is not easy. Even now i dont know what to type. Im just typing anything. For insonmia may of taken over me recently. Especially since my break up. That always seems to happen but i hope it doesn't affect me so bad im up till 7am like last time as that was just  a joke!

I think i will read a book. Ive been reading 'The girl who kicked the Hornets Nest'. Its a crime book about a girl who is being hunted for being a triple murderer though this detective or someone or other believes she is innocent and when she gets shot in the head by her father, theres a different side to the story and minds and opinions start to change.

Im not sure, i have only got to chapter like 2 hahahaha! wow.

Anyways. If anyone has any ideas on what i can blog about, i would be more than happy to do so within reason.

I will also be doing Vlogs soon as well as music covers as im a little bit more confident with my singing now! yay me!

Melva - Short story.

The air was chilly, nipping at my skin. My cheeks were red, but the rest of my face was as ice white as the snow falling peacefully to the ground around me. Everything was so silent, no noise, no birds. A beautiful silence, breathing in and out and seeing the air coming out of my mouth.  It was so cold, but i couldn't feel it. No shoes, no gloves, no hat, not even a jacket was worn on me. Most people wouldn't dream of wearing a petite yellow dress in the snow, but i was, lying on the snow covered ground, staring into the marshmallow clouds above me. So silent. 

'What are you doing?!' A voice called from my left. I groaned. 'Typical.' I thought. I could never be left in peace for very long.
'Go. Away. Now.' I wanted to say but i knew i couldn't. I sat up and a warm red and brown checkered blanket was placed around my shoulders and i was lifted off the ground. I closed my eyes. This happens every day.'Take this!' The voice said and a small tablet like item was placed into my hand. I opened my eyes and looked at it carefully. It was a small silver and green capsule. 
'Take it now.' The voice said with urgency. I looked up to see a many eyes on me. Same as always. 
'Fine okay.' I grumbled, then i placed the capsule onto my tongue ever so slowly. It melted so cold on my tongue, it was almost painful.
'Open your mouth, let us see.' Another voice from my right spoke. I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue. There was a sigh of relief from around the room. 
'Good its green. All better now. Now stop it. We've told you more than once to not go outside into the crystals.' A strong deep mans voice said sternly to me.
'Yeah yeah, you don't control me you know Theo.' I laughed standing up and pirouetting and skipping out the room.
'No but we must look after you, heal your mind, keep you safe from them.' Theo called out the room after me.I laughed to myself and walked down a long corridor, it was the main corridor, made of fine glass, see-through all the way around, and below my feet was nothingness, a huge hole, such mystery no one was allowed to question. Though of course i have tried. Being ever so curious or 'reckless' as everyone calls me. I walked maybe half a mile before coming to a large spiral staircase, painted silver, numbers engraved onto the side going up. '1111, 2222, 3333, 4444, 5555' each number of the high priestesses and highness's in the past. My number was 6666, nothing at all to do with what some call the devil, but the number 6 was incredibly unlucky in my customs. I stepped up the staircase, slowly approaching the top to a huge green door. 

'Melva!' A gentle womans voice spoke from below me. I turned around and looked down the staircase.
'Hey Rose, come up?' I called down. Rose is my best friend, though its most probably frowned upon by everyone else to have close friendships with the other kind. In my eyes shes no different to me, her skin is grey and not white, but its not like shes got a pink tongue. Shes the only one who seems normal to me. Everyone else worries about me, or is scared of me. Rose approached me and gave me a gentle nod of the head, we both walked through the large green door, into the library.

The Library we stole from the other kind. Those, who i'm banned to go near. We have maids and butlers of the other kind, who were either born into their profession or caught for somewhat reason and forced to work.  Though the other kind never come near here anyway, because they can handle the crystals and the glowing heat above.  The Glow is so hot sometimes we must hide in the coal-boxes we had to create, down there in the darkness. But thankfully its only on the odd occasion. No ones allowed in the crystals or you'll turn into one of them. but i'd love to see how that feels like. it would feel truly beautiful. But no one seems to understand. 

I walk over to a large oak bookshelf. Rose knows what i'm about to do, as always i pick up a small book.  Its all about the other kind. they never know i read it though. Rose gives me a grin, with a look on her face as if to say 'open the book already'.

i slowly turn the front cover, the pages soft but old against my fingertips. Full of wisdom in every word.

the weather is worse now, you can barely see in front of you because of the cold whiteness. Our resources are running out. We are becoming weak, we shouldn't give in. We should fight harder but no one will listen. They will not give up because they are stronger than us. Its silly, because really they are scared. But i must admit i myself is scared. so VERY scared, to die, to breath, to live. They will destroy us unless she comes to our rescue, but she hasn't shown herself in a very long time. Century's. Makes you wonder whether she is even real. All she leaves us is this bitter cold whiteness, so very cold. Our own savior cant save us now. Not Even in the words of Melva. Melva for crying out loud! i'm referring to the oldest kind going, that's how desperate i am. But i hear they worship Melva. they have taken her. But we shouldn't have to rely on Melva we should be able to worship our creator, but she is no where. not out there, up in the clouds. we are doomed to extinction unless she comes soon. Real soon. They may be trapped inside, but that doesn't always make them weak.' 

i place the book down on the table and look at my faithful friend. We both have the same look on our faces, excitement.

'They speak your name your highness. Your so greatly appreciated.  They have lost their goddess.' Rose spoke.

'I wonder who she was.' I replied. There was a sudden bang of a distant door, coming from along the corridor. Someone was coming.

'One word Rose, Theo.' I rolled my eyes. And just as expected a tall dusty blonde haired man with green eyes walked elegantly into the room.

'Thought i would find you here,  You must come to the Grand hall immediately.' Theo said but looking at Rose in almost disgust. 'Get out of here and back to the coal-box.'

'Don't talk to her like that,  i invited her in.' I protested in slight anger.

'Vermin.' Theo muttered under his breath as he left the room.  Rose obediently followed after. I was left to tidy up after myself and report to the Grand hall for what i knew was going to be completely boring.

Walking towards the grand hall was ridiculous.

Each member of the society were exactly the same, almost robotic.  And it was boring. I wanted something new but there was nothing.  Everything was the same, Everyone was the same.

It was always 'Your highness' this, or 'Your Majesty' that. It was never 'Hey Melva hows it hanging?' Never that. 

As i approached the large door to the grand hall, i took a deep breath, i know what is coming. I open the door to find a incredibly large amount of people, they see me and they applaud , making way for me to walk to the front of the room to the stage, my throne.

I politely smile, make eye contact, wave. And as i step onto the stage, they all expect me to sit down, on my throne. Although i never do, they still expect it.  They just forget that i am never going to be sat on that throne. Not unless something was changed, for the better, it wasn't so robotic and grey.  Times like this make me wonder all the more how much more fun the other kind seem like. They may have scared the other kind away, they may have forced them away and they may of taken some as slaves and but in their eyes, they were the scared ones really.

Its funny how they all look at me with their lifeless eyes. Even Rose cant be seen in the crowd. I feel so alone, with a bunch of robots.

5th October.

Months change. Seasons change, Moods change. Love grows. Love dies. 

Its always a pain in the heart at first. Your life is turned upside down and for just that split second you feel helpless and hopeless. Its like your heart disappears and you notice! You notice its not there anymore and you have almost like... well like a mini panic attack. Or a massive one. 

Love, its four letters, put together, rolled off the tongue to explain a feeling that can vary from person to person. A feeling that hurts, that feels amazing, that feels confusing.

But sometimes that love dies. And that's okay. 

A new beginning is sometimes hard to make. When you are stuck in a rut and your used to things sometimes its difficult to stand up and make a change. When your world gets turned upside down, a door gets closed and its giving you the opportunity to open a new one. Make a new start.

A new door is there for me to open and with a gulp i will step through the door, leaving old love behind. Maybe its time for a new kind of love. Maybe its time for self love. 

October is my new beginning and with it having my favorite day of the year at the end of it, Samhain, i want to make the most of the month to make it perfect for my new year. For my new beginning, for my new life. Maybe it felt inconvenient that the love was torn apart but all the signs point to the fact a new door was just waiting for me, A new chapter.